Ulysses (ulyart) wrote in philos_o_fun,

letter of complaint

Yeah, so I got a letter of complaint today. Whoo-whee!

I just checked out the staff photos on your corporate website, and none of your researchers look a day over 30! Now, as I’m paying a *load of money for philosophical consulting, you can imagine me sitting here and scratching my head! I’d like to know how you think a kid in his twenties could possibly advise me on questions of grief and death? What is their qualification?

So I wrote back:

With all due respect, and in two words: talent and methodology.

First, talent: Einstein discovered e=mcc when he was in his twenties! Mozart composed a symphony at age eleven! Enlightenment is just one of those natural talents—you either have it or you don’t (though hard work will take you a fair distance even without talent). Our recruiting and training program has given us one of the largest metaphysical talent pools in the world.

Second, methodology: we are the only existential consulting company we know of doing actual experiential research. Which means in addition to CRIAN Surveys of all existing spiritual and philosophical literature, we also carry out direct conversations with God. Because our method of arriving at the God-Glimpse, or Enlightenment-experience, is still under patent review, I am not allowed to say anything about the actual methodology, except to say that it involves only legal procedures, and does incorporate some techniques from yoga, meditation, and strobe-light hypnotherapy.
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